I’m Pretty Upset About My Neck

They say that fat people look younger. And I think it just might be true!

Now that I’m losing weight, I think I have an old neck! It’s very upsetting. I’m wondering if I’ll need to start wearing scarves or turtle necks or really chunky necklaces. But if I do, then you won’t be able to see my collar bones, which I’m desperately trying to find again.

Today, someone noticed I’d lost weight… “You’ve lost weight!” she said. She took a second look… “A lot of weight!” And while that made me super happy, I did wonder for a second if she noticed my old neck.

This probably sounds a bit superficial to anyone under 40, but these things matter when you get to be my age. I just never knew they’d matter so much. Who knows? Maybe I’d have had an old neck much earlier if I’d stayed thin, and I should be grateful for the smooth neck run that I’ve had. Maybe I should have used gallons of moisture cream and this could have been avoided. Maybe I took it for granted. Maybe, maybe, maybe!

And yes, yes, YES, I’d rather be thin. And yes, I get what’s “really” important in life. But that doesn’t change the fact that for me… that something is my neck!

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I'm a Professional dieter. Losing and gaining weight has been a life-long career. I've lost and gained a gazillion pounds, and can eat 6 saltine crackers in under a minute without drinking water. I was also an elementary school librarian for 16 years. I was sneezed on 6,720 times, had 3,460 colds, convinced 2,132 kids to read Harry Potter, wrote one children's book about birds, and fit 32 kindergarteners in a tent.

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