Calories

I recently read a little quip that went something like this:

calories

(noun)

Tiny creatures that live in your closet 

and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night. 

And now I can't stop laughing because it reminds me of how much fun we had in college! Our apartment of girls was SO evil. We had a sort of rivalry going on with a guy's apartment downstairs. It was actually more of a war. 

We'd paint their car windows and tires hot pink and stick colorful mini marshmallows on the paint to spell, "never trust a woman." We'd paper mache the windows of their apartment with newspaper. It would stick like glue on an icy winter morning! LOL! (I'm slaying myself over here). We'd put methylene blue in their blueberry-blue kool-aide so the guys would pee blue in the morning. They thought they were DYING! (What! It was perfectly safe. I asked my biology professor first.) Ohmygosh, I can't catch my breath. So funny. We'd pour gallons of water on their heads as they walked underneath our 2nd story apartment window. LOL! Fools. It took a couple of soakings, but they soon learned to give our sidewalk a wide berth. 

Oh, don't feel too sorry for them.  Those boys gave as good as they got.  They'd wire our apartment door shut. With us inside. They jimmy-rigged our toilet so when we flushed, water would spray out of the tank and spray us in the face (that was SO uncalled for). They moved every single thing in our apartment down to the parking lot in the middle of the night (I mean, everything). I don't know how we slept through it, but when we opened our bedroom doors in the morning, and looked out the window, it was a bit of a shock. And once, during what was supposed to be a really nice dinner with two of them, my roommate Allison got pie'd in the face with her very own dessert. It even matched her outfit! (I swear she never liked me after that night. It wasn't my fault! They said they'd do it to me too if I told her. That, and I couldn't stop laughing. She ended up marrying the guy, so actually she should have thanked me.)

Oh, there was more, and it was all in good fun, but my favorite was the time we took a couple pair of pants out of two of their closets. Then, my roommate and I took their pants in an inch or so. (I know. This was so so so bad.)  We did it in stages. First just a bit, then the next week a little more, and a little more, so it wasn't glaringly obvious. They thought they were getting fat!  They started this radical diet and we'd see them jogging together in the SNOW! (I can't breath. LOL!). I don't remember how they found out, but they were so mad. (I think that might have been what triggered the parking lot incident). But can you just hear them? "Jeff? Do you think these white pants make me look fat?" LOLOLOL!

Oh my gosh. Those were great times. I guess this makes me a calorie...

calories

(noun)

Tiny co-eds that sneak into your closet 

and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night. 

ps.  I've been searching for these pictures for the past two weeks (yes, I've proof of my dastardly deeds) to no avail.  When I find them, I'll post them. In the meantime, here's a picture of college me just outside our apartment. I can't believe I ever looked like that. Confession: that was a padded bra. My roommates used to look at it and say, "If God had meant man to fly, he would have given him wings!" I know! Rude. Right?